Hey Mr. Monkey! I love your site, it's great!  My friend Emily also agrees with me that its great! We always go on your site, especially in Welsh when we're meant to be working!  Whoops!  I just wanted 2 say you have inspired us both and we are now hoping to make one of our very own, (a website I mean!)  its gonna be based on my lil' sheep 'Berry' n Emily's lil' Hedgehog 'Ik'!!  

From your biggest fans Ceri Bee 'n' Em

Ah, thankyou very much for your letter! Yes, I think that more animals should have their own sites. The internet is populated more or less exclusively by humans, which is a great shame, because we creatures lead some extraordinary lives. good luck with your site and don't forget to send me a link when you have finished it and I will link to it on the links page.

Hi monkey! How are you? Your site is an inspiration to us! we love you!!! We are now in the making of ik and berries site! they cant wait! thank you monkey!

love Ik, Berrie, Ceri, Em and Tash! xxx mwah!

Ooh, your kisses make me blush! good luck with the site and be sure to have lots of adventures!

Hi Monkey,I Have just been browsing around your site and thought I would send you a little letter to say hi! I was reading your diary and realised that we were doing the same thing Friday night! What a coincidence! I too was at a make up party - how cool's that? We must have a lot in common!? I too was very drunk and as my cousin massaged my hands I nearly fell into a coma!!! I had a great evening and spent far too much money! I think it's the drink - it makes me more generous!!! Fortunately enough for me the hair on the back of my hand isn't too long so I didn't suffer the pain of having to untangle it like you did!! Anyway Monkey speak to you soon.

Love Lynz (Miss Lynsey Stiff) xxxx

Yes, what a strange coincidence that is, and I am glad to hear that your fur is now as soft as my own - we should get together and compare sometime!  I am sorry to hear that you fell for the 'get them drunk and then convince them to buy something expensive' trick.  To compensate I am inviting you over for a few Monkey Beers... And by the way, have you seen the new Monkey-sized Mercedes they have made?  Maybe we can go to the showroom after you have had a few of those beers I was talking about...

Monkey, 

I find it had to believe that a lesser primate such as yourself has managed to compose this rather amazing website!  After all, even the most advanced of the non-human apes; trained chimps and gorillas, have only managed to acquire a grasp on language advanced enough to comunicate in rudimentary sign language, yet you appear to be not only fully fluent in impeccable English, but also have adequate control in your small monkey hands to be able to be a proficient typist, have a sound knowledge of a Windows based PC system and a thorough understanding of HTML code.

I would argue that a small monkey such as yourself could not possibly compose this wonderful selection of online literature

Yours expectantly, Mr M Garrett.

Dear Mr Garrett,

Firstly, I am not a fraud.  For example, I am intelligent enough to point out to you that 'communicate' is spelled with a double 'M'.

Secondly, I am sorry that you have such a shameful misunderstanding of monkey intelligence and literary skill.  Monkeys have, in fact, produced some of the most accomplished pieces of writing throughout history.

Granted, most of these have occurred just within the realms of probability through the chance combination of typewriter key presses.

Now if you'll excuse me there's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to me about this script for Hamlet they've worked out.